Singapore has jokingly been named "The Fine City" because it's pristinely clean and you can be fined if you try to tarnish it.
Here's what not to do in Singapore - and all the rules and laws to avoid breaking - no joke.
don't use unsecured wifi or download illegal content
Crime: Computer hacking - or, just someone that needs some free wifi.
Same difference because Singapore officially considers it hacking and that's illegal.
Stay safe and switch your devices off the auto-discovery setting to avoid connecting to any unsecured networks.
Downloading or even possessing any copies of illegal content is also trouble, so be careful to stream safely.
Punishment: For using someone else's wifi, fine of up to $10,000 and jail time up to 3 years; for downloading illegal content, fine of up to $50,000 and jail time up to 3 years.
don't jaywalk or interfere with traffic
Crime: Crossing the street anywhere else other than the crosswalk - AKA: jaywalking.
Same goes for interfering with traffic in any way.
Don't play any games or use any objects that could potentially distract drivers or interfere with traffic safety.
Punishment: For jaywalking, fine of $20 to $2000 and jail time of 3-6 months; for traffic interference, fine of up to $5000.
don't be nude or bring nudie pics
Crime: Your naked body.
Don't be nude either in public or in private with open curtains where someone could potentially look into your widow and see you.
That's right, the peeping tom looking in your window is not the one at fault - you are!
If you dare to bring any nude or pornographic material into the country, it doesn't matter what it is, or if it's print or digital, if you get caught with obscene material, it's trouble.
Punishment: Fine of up to $2000 and jail time of up to 3 months.
don't feed pigeons
Crime: Giving food to poor homeless birds.
Don't do it in Singapore - poo's messy.
Punishment: Fine of up to $500.
don't pee in elevators or forget to flush
Crime: Being super gross.
If you pee in an elevator in Singapore equipped with a urine detection system, the doors will automatically close, the alarm will sound, and you will be trapped in a metal box with your own pee until the police come to take you away to jail for being disgusting.
And likewise, if you don't flush the toilet after doing your business, and get caught in a random police spot check, you're in... well, you know... deep sh*t.
Punishment: Fine of up to $200 and jail time.
don't dispose of or sell gum
Crime: Chewing gum.
Probably best not to even think about gum, let alone own it, improperly dispose of it, get caught bringing it into the country or, even worse, selling it to someone else.
Gum is really hard to get off of things.
Punishment: Fine of $500 for dropping it on the ground; up to $100,000 for selling it and jail time of up to 2 years.
don't spit
Crime: It's gross.
If you get caught spitting anywhere outside in public, you'll be fined.
Punishment: Fine of up to $1000.
Don't smoke
Crime: Air pollution.
Smoking is banned pretty much anywhere, like indoor public places and outdoor public spaces, including walkways, bridges and bus stops.
If you really need to light up, you'll have to hunt for an area where you can do it legally.
Plus, drop that butt and get fined for being a litterbug.
Don't bring e-cigs into the country either, you'll be fined for importing them.
Punishment: Fine of up to $1000.
don't sing or play music in public
Crime: Noise pollution.
Don't sing songs with questionably obscene content and don't play a musical instrument anywhere in public where anyone can hear it.
It's considered annoying and you're a considered a nuisance.
Busking is illegal without a license.
Punishment: Fine of up to $1000 and jail time of up to 3 months.
don't take food or drinks on transport
Crime: Mess making.
Leave those drinks and snacks at home.
If you bring any food or drinks onto public transportation, you're in trouble.
All transit is a strict no eating or drinking zone.
Also, don't dare bring a durian onboard, since they are extra offensive to noses.
Punishment: Fine of up to $1000 and an extra $500 fine for the darn durian!
don't do PDA or be lgbt (or both)
Crime: Love.
Don't be involved in any public displays of affection, including kissing passionately, making out, or sometimes just even holding hands.
Definitely don't have any version of same sex relations anywhere in public because it's totally illegal.
As advanced as this country is many other ways, they fall drastically behind in LGBT tolerance.
Punishment: Fines, caning, or jail time of up to 2 years.
don't litter or vandalize property
Crime: Anti-social behavior.
Littering or throwing anything on the ground anywhere in public or vandalizing any property with graffiti or anything else.
Even if you think it's art.
Punishment: Fine of up to $1000, jail time, community service, and caning.
don't drive drunk or do drugs
Crime: Fun?
If you're caught drunk driving with anything over .08% blood alcohol, you'll be heavily fined or taken straight to jail without passing go.
Call a Grab cab instead.
Also, you can't drink in public or buy takeaway alcohol from shops from 10:30pm to 7am, so buy ahead or drink at a licensed pub or restaurant during that time.
If you have anything to do with any kind of drug, you are in some serious trouble.
There are random drug tests for locals and tourists, and even if you did drugs before you arrived - if it's still in your system, it still counts.
Punishment: For drinking at night illegally, fines of up to $2000; for drunk driving, fines of up to $5000 and jail time of up to 6 months; and for drugs: caning, life imprisonment, or the death penalty.
don't overstay your visa
Crime: Staying.
Singapore is super strict on illegal immigration and that includes overstaying your tourist visa, no matter what the excuse.
Punishment: Fines and possible caning.
don't forget to pay gST tax
Crime: Souvenirs.
All travelers visiting Singapore, plus locals returning home, are required to declare purchases (valued over $150 - $600) and also pay a 7% Goods and Services tax on goods purchased out of the country.
Punishment: Fines of up to $10,000 and jail time for up to 3 years.
Suffice it to say, you'd better watch your ass - and while you're at it, make sure you don't let anyone else watch your ass, or touch your ass, or see your bare ass.
These offenses and fines are all the absolute worst case scenarios (death!) but often the penalties are less harsh (not death?).
Most of the rules are just to underline the respectable ways one should act in society so to not offend others around them.
Except, of course, for the anti-LGBT one because that's just silly.
Ultimately, Singapore takes offenses to their envisioned way of life seriously, and that's why it's considered one of the cleanest and safest countries in the world, with tons of delicious food, and is (mostly) a beloved destination for tourists.
But just in case - tread lightly.
